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     It was a clear saturday morning when i woke up. As i woke up, somehow just felt a sense of grieve and heaviness that it is very rare occur to me especially after waking up. Indeed i was awaken by a dream that i could hardly believe it was a dream. Reason is because i met an evangelist that i am grateful to know some of his great testimonies and teaching on Christ’s love for all mankind. It is my prayer that God will give me an opportunity to meet him in person and able to learn something about Christ through his experience.

     Only God knows best when will be the time and I am convinced that He has great plan for each of us and His desire is to bless and to love all of His children.

      It’s been pretty slacking holiday and yet tiring for me these days. Not so much of physical tiredness but it is more toward mental tiredness. What i can say is that have been trying to take good rest but somehow didn’t work out well. No matter what time i fell asleep, surely by 9 or 10 am will get up from my bed. Time usage has not been productive.

      Talk about things that have been happeneing these days==> Well… It’s been pretty quiet and nothing major happening. Except has a good time to be with family on weekend and had a blessed time during the Sunday worship. It was just an awesome time where God showed up in church and everyone just worship so freely =) Praise be to God for all the glory and honor. It is always my hope and prayers that I could dwell in His presence every time.

     Coming down to life, basically, i am pretty bothered about a rumour said that one of the exam was done badly by the class. Yeah.. it took me sometime before i was able to surrender the outcome to the Lord. No doubt that I’ve been pretty sensitive these days as I have been doing lots and lots of reflection and have more time to be alone whether in prayer, worship or even sitting in my room.

     Indeed I have not been able to let loose myself in the area of waiting and hearing the answer from God regarding certain request and prayers that I’ve been persuing for the last couple of months. There has been a conflict of interest between my thinking and what The Lord has impressed on me. The thinking that i have is to be able to get physical confirmation where it is more solid but the impression that i have within me is "to wait and to be patience."

     I’ve been struggling for quite sometimes for this period of time. It’s like walking in a maze where i can see the end point but don’t know which way to go and how to get there. The path is covered and so unclear. One possible reason why i had this situation is because i have been rushing ahead of God’s timing and planning so much based on my own intelligent and strength. I pray that more clearer path will be shown by the Lord and more confirmation will be known.

     yeah… also no doubt that in a few days time i will be reaching my final stage of my study in Uni where very soon will be joining the working society. May the Lord shows me the door that He has opened for me… =) Amen..

     Basically it’s been a few days since finishing my last paper. Life has been quite slack and unproductive. Ranging from cancellation of school events and youth camps have left my schedule becoming really really empty. Dealing with emptiness has not been my cup of tea all these while. I do remember sometimes ago when i did feel happy to know that there are activities lining up after exam; in which later on i was rebuked by the Lord when He spoke through Proverbs 19:21==> Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

     As i remember that verse, actually I am being brought into situation whereby it is time for me to spend more time with HIM instead of being too busy with other activities. I was really glad when i first came back from India mission trip and right now i am looking at myself as being so distracted. It’s really a big change and it is not a healthy situation.

     As i spent time sitting alone with my bible out there==> Indeed I found satisfaction and peace when i put down my thought, desires and wants; which lead onto waiting upon the Lord to speak and felt His compasionate love to be pour out. As I am writing this blog… a verse just came to me vividly. It is taken from Jeremiah 29:11- 14==> "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

     Yeah… I thank God that the verses have indeed help be to focus back on Him. Its been tough to walk when the journey is unclear and foggy. By side-tracking 1 degree has led me quite a distance from the finish line that the Lord has planned for me. Now I also have encountered that working out plans with own strengths may not necessarily produce satisfactory result, even though the expected end is more or less known.

     Just pray that during this holiday period… i will be able to spend more time with the Lord and at the same time look forward to progression of relationship issue. May God be the glory…

     Ignorance really have resulted another havoc that causes me to loose my peace tonight. It’s just the situation where i really don’t like to be played out especially with a person or people whom i already trusted. Trusting a person does come with a price. Personally I still thank God that i am now more awake and it was by His grace that I am still travelling back home safe and sound.

     It is definitely not easy to say praise God or even thank God when we are just being hit with something that we don’t like or anything that causes our heart to be troubled. Basically i got no words to express how i feel at the moment…

     Apart from that, I do miss a person whom i have been praying about and i do seek for God’s mercy, grace and opening doors. To me it is tough because of my carnal minded has overwhelmed me. I want to honor the Lord and that is really the bottom line that i have within me… My thought, however, coming stronger and stronger. I do question myself… ==> hendrik… have you been trying too hard instead of resting in HIM?

     It is my prayer that The Lord will help me to iron things up and quicken my heart to response upon His calling and also ask for Strengths to walk according to His guidance. yeah…. that’s the furthest i can express myself now…