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     It’s been a whole month of situation where I have been facing the issue in regards to being patience, being obedience to God’s calling and guidance and learn to wait. Frankly speaking those are the three areas which i think very very challenging to do at the moment. As being a person who is so indulge in getting things done fast and always wanting to do things my own way, it will take a lot more effort for me to learn and understand what is it mean to wait patiently; to submit to God or even to surrender my plan so that He can guide me to the path which is a lot better for me.

     Therefore I have been "wrestling" and "bargaining" with God for the past 4 weeks. Just to share a little bit more==> Sometimes I like to hang out in the toy area and watching over the kids who are coming with their parents. I notice some of them really cling onto their father’s leg while persuading him to get the toy he wants. That is basically what i am doing with God for the past few weeks. As usual, some parents are just walking straight and telling their kids that they have a better things for them.

     This analogy actually help me to re-think and consider whether I have been obeying God and treating God as God or I am just coming to God for the needs that I have. It is also during this period that actually when i pray… God is there with me and sometimes when I ask the same questions==> He will not say anything but just smile. There were times when I ask==> Lord what is Your will and plan for me???  I didnt get to hear anymore answer actually.

     As I am becoming more and more curious, then i started to flip back my journal and see whether I have missed out anything before. Indeed I have already got the answer from Him but just that I am refusing to obey and to submit. In the end I understand that it is not that God is no longer speaking to me, but He has already spoken to me while i am not obeying.

     Finally with the heart of struggling I am surrending my plan and hopes unto Him. Strangely after that, my heart starts to feel very warm and a sense of peace just over-took me which finally leads me to the place where I am reminded about a song called BLESSED BE YOUR NAME. I realised that I have not been able to sing this song for a long time due to the bridge where it sang==> You give and take away… You give and take away… My heart will choose to say… Lord blessed be Your name…

     As I started to pick up my guitar and play the song… Actually I found myself able to worship with that song again and I am more at ease. At this point, Indeed I am still learning and of course I do know and understand that it is submitting to God is most important thing in my life that i could do. It is also my prayer that in every step I take… more of Him will be in me and by grace I will grow closer and closer to Him. Thank You Lord for being there with me ALL THE TIME. Amen

     It’s been a journey for the past few weeks. One common thing I can summarized shortly about what I have been facing is the word spelled==> WAIT PATIENTLY. There are quite number of situation where I’ve gotta wait and wait and wait. Indeed for all my life so far, it seems that I always get things pretty quick and have been carrying the mind-set of "take-it or leave-it" character. For some, they may have thought that I am very impatient type of person, to some not realistic, to some arrogant, to some will be distanced themselves from me.

     However… God has been gracious to me and supplying me with the necessary strength and peace of heart to stay low and continue to have a focus on the finish line. As much as I want to get things done quickly… the more i am facing disappointment and frustration… There were time when i prayed to God and ask for mercy and more of His grace so that things can speed up. Sounds good right???

     Actually… the situation still remain the same.. the more i struggled the more disappointed i became. But one thing i can share is that as when i am putting down less focus on getting things done… I could sense more peace rises within me and I could laugh and worship freely. Indeed I have forgotten that God is in charged and by pushing the situation around, actually I’ve not been taking Him as God afterall.

     As weird as it may seem, generally I am being led to read Psalm 55:22==> Cast your cares upon Him and He will sustain you <== What i can understand to that is to let go whatever things i am pursuing and let God. In my human thinking… of course I am telling myself that it is not me at all to let go when things do not work out. But in God’s economy and Kingdom, actually I am attaining more freedom and more satisfactory life when I am letting go and let God cares for me.

     As I was sharing with my cell group, generally I have not been able to sing the song ==> Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman <== for about one year for the fact that I can’t let go the issue of relationship to be handled by God Himself. And because of this situation, my spiritual walk is also drying up and message that being directed to me is to read on Revelations 2:1-7 where it talks about renewing my first love to God.

     It is very easy to get into routine and later on develop a serving-routine mind-set and thought that everything done is for Him. I was wrong to keep on doing that. I have forgotten that I ought to re-new my relationship constantly with God and not getting into routine by serving in worship ministry or any ministry that has been entrusted to me. I thank God that He allows me to make mistakes and as i made the mistakes, His still small voice guided me back to the track He wants me to go.

     Just happened on sunday morning I was a bit stunt during the worship practice in church. A guest speaker from the US came to the youth sanctuary and suddenly said, " Hi.. Hendrik…" and with a quick smile I said, " Hi there =)". First i was stunt because i didnt remember that I told her who i am. Secondly, even if i were to tell her my name it was happening one year ago. My friends were all amazed on how it happened in that way. After the church, I just came home and thank God that He is aware and He cares for me so much that He called me by name through the guest speaker which i hardly met.

     I was really touched and greatly encouraged by encountering all that. It’s really meant something to me. Praise God for all He’s done for me. Hallelujah =)

     Tomorrow will be the time when I am actually walking into the company. Feeling very much excited and very much looking forward for a good start in the new phase of my life. Recently I have indeed praying and seeking God regarding what should I do starting from now. On one hand I want to strive my best for the job I am going to get and start to save up and building the career.

     However as the more i am thinking of that… the more I am listening to the voice where what i need to do is to wait upon the Lord. No doubt that I am planning to strive my best even harder is because I was driven by the comment of someone important in my life for the past few months. Generally I felt challenge with what she has commented and indirectly i am "accepting" that challenge as i am pursuing her.

     I am indeed praying day and night and seeking God of what should i do or what can i do to improve the situation between me and her. I am generally feeling happier to be able to communicate by voice more and more often these days. The question remain in me is that.. How long should i need to wait for a conclusion from her…  Deep within me.. I know that only God knows when…

     On one hand I am praising God for all His goodness, blessing and grace which He has poured out in my life and how i recognised them as grace (undeserve gifts) from God. He is really the best… There is no way for me to describe how great God is in my life. I am excited each time starting my day as I am learning to expect new things from Him. It is my prayer and my hope that the relationship issue will get stabilized and more solid scenario can take place.

Thank You Jesus for all You’ve done in my life =)

     Finally got the time to get back to this blog again. It’s been sometimes not to have any particular moment which I can really write. Basically for the past 5 weeks have been filled with new challenges as well as lessons for me to learn.

     As soon as I have finished my degree course, it is a very normal attitude just to go down and look out for job out there. Indeed I really wish and hope to be able to become financially independent and planning to stabilize my life by building up career as well as look to build up relationship.

     No doubt that I have been putting myself some pressure to get good starting job and another reason is to have a stability for my life before entering relationship. For the first three weeks, my life has been filled with running around building networking and e-mailing as well as asking people around so that the right job can be found.

     By the end of three weeks after finishing the course, finally i felt both physically and spiritually drying up. No doubt that I didnt walk properly in my spiritual walk with God and to large extent has been moving on my own accord. Starting on the fourth week, finally I decided to just sit down at home and had a re-cap on what I have done and confess to God that I have been running around and felt very very tired.

     By His grace that I could feel His comforting hands and His love that restores my soul and body. Finally I decided to use the fourth week just to pray, to read the bible more than the first three weeks, spend time resting in Him.

     Somewhere in that week, actually I received a devotional teaching which says "How can the child enjoy the blessing of food when he is running around? Unles the child learn to sit, he will not be able to enjoy the blessing thus have the energy to walk, run and play"

     That passage indeed reminded me that I have not been consulting the Lord regarding my career. I was indeed planning to get the job earlier so that I can move onto the relationship direction. Really as i was taking time to rest, that was the moment when I started to get interview from companies which I didn’t send my resume to. That taught me one thing. And that also going along with the bible passage taken from Psalm 127:1-2==> Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.

     I thank God for lesson in my life as I am moving to a new phase. To look at logical point of view, I am indeed starting my life from empty handed right now. It is challenging and exciting because I am about to work and earn cash for my own life. I just hope and look forward to build up good life according to His grace and favor and it is my prayer that I will have opportunity to walk closer and closer with Him.

     Coming to relationship issue, I am glad that she is more and more open to her thought and what she really feels and choices that she ought to make for herself as well. At this time, what i wish to have is God’s favor that allows both me and her have a better communication, more stable relationship, joyful, exciting and loving situation. Currently both me and her are having distance barrier which make us unable to get to meet up in person very often.

     So yeah… this moment really requires lots of patience, faith, understanding, good timing and also favor from God. I do look forward for a better weeks ahead and more exciting journey with the Lord again. Amen… =)

     Finally by the grace of the Lord I have finished all my exams and already submitted the Final Year Project. One last step is FYP presentation which will be done next week. On the surface it may looks relieve that I have completed my degree. Some would say==> give yourself few taps on your shoulder bro…  hahaha.. To me it is indeed quite an accomplishment that finally i got a degree and will look forward for my next phase of life.

     At the moment I do take sometime to let myself cool down and start planning on how I should take my next step. Things may look easy ahead but I am not sure how easy will that be. Instead I would call it challenging, because it is indeed a new journey that I am currently have no idea how will it looks like. By right i know that i should have turned to the Lord and seek Him for guidance on what He has in store for me.

     Recently i do get caught up with rat-race and got quite worry at times. Reason is because right now i am having a time limitation on my student pass which will be expiring on April 25th. Time is indeed ticking away every minute every second. It is my prayer that I would be giving myself totally to the Lord and that by grace I will be sensitive enough to recognize the opening door that He has open for me. Coming to think about it, I do feel comforted to know that He has prepared everything for me, but the challenging part is that I have not been really able to put down many things and just follow Him fully.

     Coming to relationship part, I am personally thanking God for all things that He has done for me and my prayer buddy. It is indeed by His grace that both me and her are able to gain more understanding on one another. I am excited to find out more of what God has been preparing for both me and her ahead. I just pray and speak life, love, comfort and understanding to this relationship and that God will be glorified as we both come together to serve Him.

     Regarding family wise… I am missing my parents in JB and younger sister in KL. Just hope that i could settle down right here in SG and then make time to visit them. Indeed things are pretty packed-up and yet i also thank God that He has given me the peace when Jesus still able to sleep in the midst of storm. Thank God for all the things He has done. Hallelujah!!!

Offering

The sun cannot compare

To the glory of Your love

There is no shadow

In Your presence

No mortal man would dare

To stand before Your throne

Before the Holy One of Heaven

It’s only by Your blood

And It’s only through Your mercy,

Lord I come

I bring an offering

Of worship to my King

No one on earth

Deserves the praises that I sing

Jesus may You receive

The honor that You’re due

O Lord I bring an offering to You

Basically this song is written by Paul Baloche. Such a simple wording and yet speaks to my whole being. This has been the song that i kept listening when i am alone. To me this is just magnificent and really speaks of worship unto God the Father.

          Just for today, as i was taking shower during the noon time, there is a strong bible verse just flash through my mind. It is the passage taken from Psalm 37:4. It says that "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desire of your heart". The next thing that came to me was a soft whisper where the Holy Spirit asked==> son, do you really understood what it means?  For a moment i was really put down everything and start to realised that i do know the verse but my action showed i didnt understand it at all.

     Its a big lesson for me today. Indeed i have only slept about 2-3 hours for the past 48 hours. Have been facing quite a challenge in my life. However still thank God for the divine health He has given to me. Hopefully things will settle down soon. I do look forward to enter new phase of life where it will start off with getting a job, look forward to a stable relationship, more intimate relationship with the Lord. I also pray that God will continue to guide both me and my prayer buddy in our relationship, spiritual growth as well as journey ahead. Just wanna end this by saying==> Thank You for all You’ve done O Lord

Cheers =)

     Well well well… thank God for a brand new day. These few days have been having tight schedules where i was out for at least 12 hours. Looking back for the whole last week, it was indeed a blessed week. Ranging from personal walk with God up to the extent of having my personal life.

     Even though there were hickups here and there, but in the end the problems were solved and life goes on. One thing i could share is about the worship just took place yesterday on sunday. Generally there were quite number of spiritual attacks in different occassion. Ranging from distraction, worry, feeling-unpreprared, members who were either getting injured and unable to sing with the team and time-management problem.

     As early as last week’s tuesday, personally by grace, God has revealed His plan for the church on sunday. I am very excited as well as looking forward to witness and experience what He has prepared in store. Everything seems to be fine until thursday night where one of the back-up singers said that she won’t be able to back-up singing, friday night the church drummer injured his left ankle and on saturday i injured my right ankle.

     I was deeply troubled, rather discourage but i am burning to serve more despite of what satan has planned. On saturday afternoon, actually the worship practice was rather dis-orientated. I thank God for all the prayer warriors in both church and friends around who has been interceding for the sunday service. Indeed the church service was marvelous God was in the house pouring out His Spirit upon all those who are hungry and thirst for Him; healing, deliverance. All the glory to Him.

     After the service i was just went for outing with my brother. Went for movie and had both lunch and dinner together. It’s always good to be able to spend time with own brother and just do what we both like to do as usual. Follow up with that.. there is just one chinese worship song that has been played over within my spirit. Basically the translated title means "the most blessed thing in this life." It’s been going on and on until the time i fell asleep hee hee…

Thank God for everything He has done =)

     It’s been a moody friday for me. Thing seems to move rather slow and full of bumpy roads that i need to go through. One of the headaches that i faced was the problem with my natural father. It is not easy to be in position where both parents got divorced. My heart, my mind and my personality is to be a good son to both my dad and my mom. I understood what the bible has taught me and i am more than willing to apply that teaching into my daily life.

     Things didnt seem to work that way as i started to see and hearing different opinions from both sides. As the result, i felt stuck in the middle. I got so much pressurized when my dad wants to ruin my mom’s life again. I had that experience three years ago where i almost lost my mom as my dad got into emotion and coming together with his black magic stuff.

     Indeed I can only found peace, unconditional love, full protection and comfort in God. I thank God that His grace and love have been with my siblings, mom and step father. Otherwise we would have lost much more than we could ever imagine. Yeah.. at the moment i am hoping that my dad will let my mom have her life. Then my siblings and I will still be able to maintain good communication with my natural dad as well. I was deeply hurt to hear that my dad wants to make a law suit against my step-father where personally i found no guilt in him. I was hurt because i knew it will break my mom’s heart again. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God will extend His hand to deal with this situation. It is only in Him that i can put my trust and hope upon.

     Apart from that issue, i also got caught into relationship issue where i realised i have made a mistake by taking the situation with my own strength. As the result, she felt pressurized and she didn’t really contact me recently. I am definitely having a big headache as if i just got hit by ball right on my head. Personally I really really want to be someone who can be her companion where we both could grow in the Lord, serve Him, having blessed life in Jesus Name, support one another and being part of God’s plan.

     I do have a deeper feeling toward her but i can’t describe much as i couldnt find the right time. I regreted to take things into my own hand and lost focus from God. It is my prayer and hope that God will restore and give me chance to be able to build up more understanding and therefore build the relationship together.

     yeah.. i felt really terrible for the whole friday morning till evening. It is by the grace of God that He led me in worship planning for friday night cell group and God showed up in the cell group as well. The worship was great and God was really among us. All the glory and praise be to God.

     Just to share a bit more, the afternoon worship planning was really an up-lifting moment when i heard the song AT THE CROSS by Hillsong and written by Darlene Zschech. The lyrics goes like this

At The Cross

Oh Lord You’ve searched me,

You know my way;

Even when I fail You,

I know You love me.

Verse 2:

Your holy presence

Surrounding me

In every season,

I know You love me;

I know You love me.

Chorus:

At the Cross I bow my knee,

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave,

Your glory fills the highest place,

What can separate me now?

Verse 3:

You go before me,

You shield my way,

Your hand upholds me;

I know You love me.

Verse 4:

And when the earth fades,

Falls from my eyes,

And You stand before me,

I know You love me;

I know You love me.

Bridge:

You tore the veil, You made a way

When You said that it is done.

     yeah.. The lyrics really speak comfort to my whole-being and really by the grace of God i could feel His comfort, warm and peace again. All the glory and honor to God. All i could do is to surrender both issues to God’s hands. I believe God is in control. Bible verse that speaks to me today is taken from Isaiah 55:8-9 ==> "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.   "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My thoughts than your thoughts.

     God is really really a good God. He is a good Father and I thank Him for His love, care, touch, mercy and His Holy Spirit who has been my closest friend. Hallelujah!!!